Here's the short answer: outlets, table size, chair height, noise consistency, bathroom access, Wi-Fi you don't have to ask for, a seat with your back to the room, a table that isn't in a walkway, staff who don't mind you staying, and a second drink you actually want to order. Ten points. If a café fails three, leave. There's another one down the street.

Now let me walk through each one, because the order matters and so does why it matters.

Why You Need a Test at All

Most people choose a café by two criteria: it's close, and it has Wi-Fi. Then they sit down, order a coffee, open the laptop, and discover the table is the size of a dinner plate, the chair is too low, the outlet is occupied, and the music is loud enough that they can't hear themselves think.

They stay anyway. Because leaving feels like admitting defeat. So they spend two hours being uncomfortable and getting nothing done.

I've done this. I've done it enough times that I built a test. It takes about ninety seconds to run, and it saves you from wasting an afternoon.

Here's the test, in order.

1. Are There Outlets You Can See?

This is the first thing I check, and it's not because I need one.

If a café has visible outlets, it means the café expects people to work there. The staff won't glare at you when you plug in. There will be other people with laptops. You won't feel like you're doing something wrong.

If a café has no visible outlets, it means the café doesn't want you to stay. They want you to buy a coffee, drink it, and leave. You can still work there, but you'll be working against the room.

The exception: a café with outlets hidden behind furniture or under the counter. Those exist, and they're fine. What you're looking for is whether the café has thought about people staying.

What to look for: outlets on the wall, outlets in the floor, or a power strip mounted somewhere visible. Any of those means you're welcome.

Red flag: Every outlet is taken by someone who's been there since 9 a.m. This café has a regular work crowd, which is good for atmosphere and bad for outlet availability. Come back at a different time.

2. Is the Table at Least 24 Inches Wide?

This is where most cafés fail, and it's the one nobody checks before sitting down.

You need 24 inches of width and 18 inches of depth. That's enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and a notebook. Less than that and you're playing Tetris with your own workspace.

A standard two-top café table is usually 24 to 30 inches wide. A round table is usually 24 inches in diameter, which sounds like it should work but doesn't—a round table wastes the corners where you'd put your cup and your phone.

What to look for: a rectangular table with enough room for your laptop plus a drink. If your laptop takes up the entire table, it's not a workspace. It's a drink coaster with ambition.

Red flag: A row of tiny round tables along the window. These are for people watching, not working. Unless you're only answering email on your phone, skip them.

3. Is the Chair at the Right Height?

This one hurts you slowly, which is why people ignore it.

If the chair is too low, your wrists bend upward to reach the keyboard, and after twenty minutes they ache. If the chair is too high, your shoulders rise to meet your arms, and after twenty minutes your neck aches.

You want a chair where your elbows are roughly level with the table. That's the whole test. Sit down. Put your hands on the table. If your elbows are below the table, the chair is too low. If they're above it, the chair is too high.

What to look for: a chair with a back, and a seat height that puts your elbows level with the table.

Red flag: bar stools at a counter. They look great in photos. They're terrible for working. You can't rest your feet, your back isn't supported, and after forty minutes you'll be standing up every five minutes.

4. Is the Noise Consistent?

This is counterintuitive, and it's the one that surprises people.

A quiet café is harder to work in than a moderately noisy one. In a quiet café, every small sound becomes a distraction. A spoon on a saucer. A chair scraping. A phone buzzing. You notice everything because there's nothing to mask it.

What you want is consistent ambient noise—music, conversation, the espresso machine. A steady sound floor gives your brain something to ignore. You stop noticing individual sounds because they're all part of the same texture.

What to look for: a moderate hum. Music playing at a volume where you can hear it but not understand the lyrics. Conversations at other tables that blend into background.

Red flag: complete silence, where every sound is an event. Also a red flag: music so loud you can't take a call without leaving the room.

5. Can You Get to the Bathroom Without Packing Up?

You're going to be there for two hours. You're going to need the bathroom. If you have to pack your laptop, your charger, your notebook, and your coffee to go, you won't go. You'll sit there uncomfortable and distracted.

The test is simple: is there a bathroom, and can you reach it while leaving your things at the table? This requires a café where you feel safe leaving your bag—which means a café with staff who are paying attention—and a bathroom that's inside the café, not down a hall in a shared building.

What to look for: a bathroom on the same floor, in sight of your table or close to it. Staff who are present and watching the room.

Red flag: a bathroom that requires a key from the counter, especially a key attached to a large wooden spoon. That's a café that doesn't want you to stay.

6. Is the Wi-Fi Name Visible?

This is a small thing that tells you a lot.

If the Wi-Fi name and password are printed on a small sign at the counter, the café expects people to use it. If you have to ask the barista, the café has Wi-Fi but doesn't think about it. If the Wi-Fi is slow or unreliable, the café has Wi-Fi as a technicality.

You don't need fast Wi-Fi. You need Wi-Fi that works for email, documents, and video calls. But you do need to know before you order.

What to look for: the Wi-Fi name and password visible without asking.

Red flag: no Wi-Fi, or Wi-Fi that requires a login screen that doesn't load. Also: Wi-Fi that works near the counter but not at the tables.

What to do instead: Have your phone ready to tether. This is the backup that saves every café session. Set it up before you leave the house. Test it once. Know how to turn it on without thinking.

7. Is There a Seat with Your Back to the Room?

This is the free upgrade that solves the conversation problem, and almost nobody thinks about it.

If you're facing the room, you see everyone who walks in. You see every conversation. You see every plate of food. You notice everything, and you get nothing done.

If your back is to the room, you don't see any of it. You're in a small bubble. The noise is still there, but it's behind you, and it's much easier to ignore.

What to look for: a seat against a wall, or a corner seat, where your back is to the room and your screen is facing the wall.

Red flag: a seat in the middle of the room, facing the door, or facing the counter. You'll be watching the café instead of working.

8. Is Your Table in a Walkway?

This is the one that ruins a session in the second hour, when the café gets busy.

If your table is on the path between the counter and the seating area, you'll be bumped. Your chair will be knocked. Your bag will be tripped over. You'll spend the whole session shifting out of the way.

This is hard to predict when the café is empty. Look at the layout and ask: if this café were full, would people walk here?

What to look for: a table in a corner, against a wall, or in a small alcove. Anywhere that isn't on the direct path from the door to the counter.

Red flag: a table right next to the door, right next to the counter, or right in the middle of the floor. These are the tables the staff don't want either, which is why they're usually the only ones free.

9. Do the Staff Seem Okay With You Staying?

This matters more than any piece of gear.

Some cafés are happy to have you. They refill your water. They don't clear your cup the moment you finish. They let you sit for two hours without making you feel like you should leave.

Other cafés want turnover. They clear your plate early. They ask if you need anything else three times. They turn the music up. They're telling you something, politely.

What to look for: staff who leave you alone. Water refills. A second drink you actually want to order.

Red flag: a café that clears your table the moment your cup is empty, or asks "are you still working on that" every twenty minutes. They want the table back.

10. Is There a Second Drink You Actually Want?

This is the etiquette test, and it's the one that determines whether you can come back.

You're going to be there for two hours. One coffee isn't enough to justify that. You need a second thing to order—another coffee, a tea, a pastry, a sandwich. And you need it to be something you actually want, not something you're buying out of guilt.

If a café has good coffee and nothing else, you'll feel awkward ordering your second cup. If a café has a food menu and you're not hungry, same problem. The best cafés for working are the ones with a range of things you might want at different times of day—coffee in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, a snack in between.

What to look for: a menu where you can see yourself ordering something every ninety minutes.

Red flag: a café where you'd feel weird ordering a second coffee, or a café where the only food is a sad pastry in a case.

How to Run the Test

You don't have to run all ten before you sit down. Here's how I do it:

Before you order: look for outlets, check the Wi-Fi sign, scan for a seat with your back to the room. That's ten seconds.

As you walk to the table: check the table size and the chair height. That's five seconds.

After you sit down: listen to the noise, check the walkway, look at the menu. That's thirty seconds.

If a café fails three or more of the ten, leave before you order. You're not being rude. You're saving yourself two hours of discomfort and saving the café a customer who wasn't going to be happy anyway.

What I Don't Recommend

• Staying in a café that fails the test because you already ordered. One coffee is a small price to pay for a better afternoon.

• Choosing a café by how it looks. The most beautiful cafés are often the worst for working. The best ones are usually slightly boring.

• Sitting at the only open table even if it's in a walkway. You'll regret it when the café fills up.

• Relying on café Wi-Fi for a call. Tether your phone. The Wi-Fi will drop at the worst moment.

• Ordering the largest drink on the menu to justify staying. Order two smaller drinks instead. The barista will like you more and you'll actually drink them.

• Sitting for four hours on one coffee. That's not a workspace, that's a squat. Order something every ninety minutes or leave.